Episode 2 - The Ashley's

YOU GUYS! 

A lot has happened over the past week. Josh and Andi publicly announced that they have broken off their engagement. Bachelorville was sinking into depression, and then Emily Maynard posted an Instagram picture and saved the day. She announced (sort of) that her and her husband Tyler are HAVING A BABY! Yes, she is naming it after me. Just kidding! I'm the God mother.

In case you missed her Instagram pic - here it is:



Ok so let's get to this Episode...

First things first, Chris lets Kimberly come back, and everyone is really pissed. I highly doubt she will even make it past this date, so RELAX ladies.


FIRST GROUP DATE CARD
  1. Jade
  2. Tandra
  3. Ashley I
  4. Mackenzie
  5. Kimberly
  6. Tara


The pool party starts, and right when we all want to see another girl on Chris' shoulders...guess what, gals? It's time to walk through downtown LA in bikinis, and then participate in a bikini tractor race. 

Ashley I. announces that she is "more Kardashian than country". I don't know about you guys, but I don't believe it.

...




Anyway, Tara genuinely thinks that her tractor can go faster than everyone elses...and somehow Ashley I. wins the "race".





And just like that...SURPRISE! DATE IS OVER! Mackenzie gets a surprise 1 on 1. No one can figure out why. Not even Chris.

So...Mackenzie might be/is drunk (or just honest?) but she starts telling Chris that she likes guys with big, prominent noses. Then she told Chris he had a nice nose..and now she is asking him if he believes in aliens. It's like she sat down with her 8 year old sister getting conversation topics for a date. Anyway, she goes on and tells Chris about her son, and all of America now remembers that her sons name is Kale...maybe her 8 year old sister picked that out too. Just kidding, it was the checkout lady at Whole Foods. Anyway, Mackenzie got a rose.

FIRST ONE ON ONE DATE CARD: 

Megan gets it.

The date card reads "Love is a Natural Wonder", and Megan thinks it is just a love note...need I say more? Has she ever seen the show? On a serious note - the story about her dad was touching, and I think she's growing on me...but overall, the date was anticlimactic and Chris said no more than 10 words. 


She got a rose.


 SECOND GROUP DATE CARD: 
  1. Kelsey
  2. Trina
  3. Alissa
  4. Tracy
  5. Jillian
  6. Becca
  7. Amber
  8. Ashley S (formerly known as mom girl, onion girl, etc)
  9. Juelia
  10. Kaitlyn 
  11. Britt 
This date is already my nightmare. They arrive in a limo in the dark to an abandoned parking lot. SOUNDS LIKE A FUN DATE TO ME! Will someone suggest that to Kyle? 

Ok, so there is a zombie paintball game set up, and the girls are split up into teams and have to "kill" the zombies. Ashley mom girl didn't quite understand the rules of the game and wanted to shoot members of the opposite teams...dear lord. Somehow everyone (barely) survived, and then this happened...

"Mesa......Verde......"



Wait also, can we talk about the fact that Ashley had to make sure the "zombies" were "dead" and were shooting these poor guys with a paintball gun from like 2 inches away? THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE, ASHLEY. NOT REAL ZOMBIES. 

BACK AT THE HOUSE...Jordan is drunk and she is twerking. There's so much I could say here. She is now telling us in the most graphic detail possible that Jillian has the hairiest butt she's ever seen. I don't know. Anyway...


ROSE CEREMONY #2:

HOLY SCHNIKES Chris is excited to see Britt. He even wrote her a note..."Free kiss"...Get it? Like Free Hugs?

Also, Whitneys voice is less whiney this time...maybe? I don't know guys, I like her.

Ok - Ashley I. discloses she is a virgin. Honestly, I don't think that Mackenzie or whoever else was there with them believed her. Mackenzie is so jealous and says her kid is an instant give away that she's not a virgin. Lol. Good one, Mackenzie.

Ashley I. is now making Chris rub her belly button for a wish. Like a bald mans head. Or is that for good luck? Regardless...Ashley is going for it. 

Jordan is a tad too drunk and tries to make out with Chris, but reassures us:  "Don't be weirded out, I'm only kind of a stalker". I kind of love her.

Roses administered...and this is who made the cut:

  1. Britt
  2. Ashley I
  3. Trina
  4. Kelsey
  5. Samantha
  6. Juelia
  7. Amber
  8. Tracy
  9. Jillian
  10. Jade
  11. Nikki
  12. Becca
  13. Carly
  14. Whitney
  15. Ashley S
  16. Kaitlyn - rose on date
  17. Megan - rose on date
  18. Mackenzie - rose on date 
Chris says goodbye to Tara, Jordan, Alissa and Tandra for the first time. Chris says goodbye to Kimberly for the second time...awkward.


Let's not forget how awkward this episode has been for Jillian. She tripped and fell when she thought her name was called at the rose ceremony and her bikini area was blacked out even in scenes when she was wearing jeans.

No preview for next time?! What am I going to do for the next week?

Here are my predictions: Next week will be the last episode with Ashley S. I mean really, Chris (and all of us) can't take it much longer. Maybe for Ashley I. too? Next one on one...not sure on this one. I would say Britt? Kaitlyn? Maybe one of the other moms on the show will reveal she's a mom? 

OK - What are everyones predictions for next week? Leave a comment below or comment on my instagram! I'd love to hear from you. Find me at : shannonfreid_ 

XO


4 comments:

  1. Love this and love you! Spot on analysis :-)

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  2. "I heard the truth… like BOOM"

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha best line ever. I want whatever she was on!

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